Things have been rough with Mom lately,
& the last few nights I have found myself
tossing and turning, not getting much sleep.
My mind is racing.
There are a lot of overwhelming decisions ahead of us.
When I had trouble falling asleep as a child
my mother would sing me lullabies, usually something Irish,
her hand stroking my back in waves, up and down,
until my eyelids became heavy, my breath shallow.
I would fall asleep to the sound of her voice,
the lull in her tone, her soft touch on my skin.
Even though my mom did not have the best singing voice,
it was still the most soothing sound in the world to me.
It still is.
Kieran with his Grandma.
These sweet moments get me every time.
I hope Kieran feels the same way about my voice.
Even though I am sometimes off-key,
and often forget the words to songs,
Kieran looks at me, calm and sincere.
As I hold him to my cheek,
I imagine he is back in my womb,
the vibrations of my voice bouncing off his body,
the sway of my hips rocking him to sleep,
with my own mother's sweet voice in my ear,
her hand at my back.
Music will forever be a calming force in my life,
and this rendition of the Pixies "Where is My Mind" by Maxence Cyrin
is just beautiful and special and makes everything feel better.
It makes for a good substitute of a mother's voice,
when one is not within ears reach.
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