Breastfeeding: My Journey

Kieran is now officially 19 months, 

and he is still breastfeeding. 

My goal was to breastfeed for 1 year,

and anything after that was considered a bonus.

And a bonus it has been. 
Kieran's 1st birthday came and went,
and we are still going strong.

[photo cred: www.carrievines.com]

I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity.

It is not every mother that has the privilege,

and I am grateful.

Even for the times when my nipples were raw,

and I was exhausted and sleep deprived.

All my son wanted/needed was me,

 and that is a feeling unlike any other.

Floor naps are the best! (Kieran at 4 months.)

I have enjoyed cuddling my little guy,

and reveled in the sweetness of how 
he places his hand so delicately on my chest,

or how he sometimes runs his hand gently up and down my arm.

It is a calm connection between baby and I,

and that is something that I will never take for granted.

And if you don't recall,
as I mentioned in a past post,
I LOVE how I am left with his ear imprinted on my forearm.
It's a true sign of a solid feeding, and an even more solid snuggle.

Even though this journey has been one I have cherished,
I know it can't last forever. 
(Well, I know it CAN, but I am not trying to be one of those mamas 
who breastfeeds their children until they are 5. 
No offense to those who do, it just ain't my thang.)

So lately, I've been feeling the need to pull back.

To let it go, a little at a time.

And the truth is, 
Travis and I are hoping to expand our little family soon,

and I would like to be a little selfish with my body 

for the little time that I have before that happens.

In the meantime, Kieran will inevitably grow a new sense of independence.

Don't get me wrong, he is actually incredibly independent already.

Moreso than we could ever expect of 19 month old. 

He is constantly exploring and rarely feels the need to 
look back to check and see if Mommy or Daddy are close by.
His curiosity and confidence is something we love so much about him.

Kieran exploring.
[photo cred: www.carrievines.com]

But I am talking about a different kind of independence,
and I think he is starting to pave his own way. 
He has weaned a bit on his own, 

and I have followed his lead. 

On days that I work, we nurse an average of twice a day,

but on days when I am home, it's more like 4 times.

I rarely pump at work anymore, and do so on average of about once a week.
And surprisingly, my milk supply is still pretty solid.

But slowly, I know that will change. 
I am taking baby steps, for both me and baby.
I am savoring these last months
with him in my arms, his eyes gazing up at me,
his hand on my heart,
and my eyes falling into his.


Kieran after a breastfeeding sesh, about 4 months old.

We will still have these moments;
it will just be different.
Still good,
but different. 

I admire other mothers who have been on this journey alongside me.
There is a sense of pride in it. 
For nourishing our children in the most basic way.
It's a beautiful thing indeed.

Breastfeeding Kieran at 2 months old.

Cheers mamas.
Cheers babies.
& cheers to those who support us both!

XOXO

Aimee