My Momma

This is a personal post.

I mean, all of my posts are personal,

but this one is particularly so.

It's about my mom.


My mom and her granddaughter, Deklynn.
August 2013.

You see, my mom is suffering from an early onset of dementia,

which is quickly turning into full blown Alzheimer's.

She is turning 69 this month, 
and for her, this disease has progressed quite rapidly in the past few years,
and even more rapidly in the last few months.

I don't talk about it much,

but when I do it is with my very closest of friends.
These are my life-long friends who do not pass judgement or pity me.

Friends who, by their very nature, help get my mind off things, 

but who are also willing to just listen too.

Because sometimes, that's all I need.

 Ugly Sweater Christmas Party 2013.

Kim's birthday dinner. Nov. 2013.

Jessica & I. Cambria trip. Oct. 2011.

I am very lucky to have amazing people who rally behind me.
Especially my amazing husband. 
God knows I wouldn't survive without him.

And bonus: he is pretty handsome too! ;-)

As of late, Mom has had more trouble doing day in & day out tasks.

And her four children, our amazing sig others 

& my dad are all banning together.

My mom, dad, brothers and sister at Kieran's baptism last month.

We are a strong force,

but we have our weak spots too.
There is no easy way to come to 
terms with losing the mom you know.
I assure you.

I think the hardest time for me was when I was pregnant with Kieran.
I wanted so badly to ask my mom a million questions
and draw from her experience, birthing 4 children of her own.
But there was little to no information I could pull from her.
Well, other than, "It was worth it, honey."

My mom currently lives with my sister, Mary Beth, and her husband, Mike.

They are angels in my book.

And I cannot thank them enough for taking 
on such an overwhelming commitment.

Here's MB and Mike being all giddy in love. AWW.
Photo cred: Jeremy Chou

This whole mom thing is heartbreaking at times.

But there are some funny moments too.

Like when she put Kieran's St. Patty's Day bib
 on backwards as if it were a cape!
So, naturally, I called him Super Saint Patrick
for the rest of the day, and Mom giggled each time.
[Note: I get my infectious giggle from her.]

We try to keep it light,

because dwelling on the sadness of it all doesn't do us any good.

We should be happy that most days, she is in good spirits.

She has an endearing soul.
I love that when I drive her in my car,
she hums to songs she doesn't know,
 & sings along to songs she does.
It makes her happy.
& it makes me happy too. 

She loves nature,
and we can pass by a simple park
and she'll exclaim,
"What a beautiful park!" 
And she's right!
There is something to be said for appreciating 
our surroundings, no matter how many times we see it.

My mom spends time with me & baby on Thursdays and Fridays.
Although some days are better than others,
and it is not always easy,
I am so grateful for the time I get to share with her.

I see her with my son,

and her heart is so full.

And consequently,

mine is too.

She has special way with Kieran. 

They play and laugh together,

& Kieran gives her his scrunch-nosed smile,

and my mom laughs and says, "Isn't he the cutest baby?" 

And I agree, saying he is the cutest baby boy, 

as she has a grandbaby girl who she says the same thing about.

My Mom holding newborn Baby Deklynn.

March 2013.

Even though mom has forgotten many things,
her inherent love for babies has not waivered.
And Kieran can feel it. He is so calm with her.

For as much as he wants to move around these days,

he will just sit in her arms and let her cuddle him, 

and it is the sweetest thing to watch.

 Bay Day. June 2013.

 

Summer napping. July 2013. 

Grandma hugs are the best! Oct. 2013.

Park fun! Feb 2013.

They have had a special bond since the day he was born.

Baby K telling his Grandma secrets.
This is my all-time fav pic of them.
April 10th, 2013.

At this point, 

Mom has a hard time formulating her thoughts,

and most conversations are unclear and unsuccessful.

But I am eternally grateful that every once and a while, 

she has these amazing moments of clarity:

"We are so lucky, aren't we?"

And I know exactly what she means.

We are so lucky to be together.

To have each other.

We are the world to her.

And she gave the world to us.

It puts things into perspective.

This woman, who is suffering from such a horrible disease,

is so hopeful, so clear on what is important.

This past week, with the whirlwind of things happening,

she watched me as I breast fed my son.

He was calm, and his eyes were getting heavy, his breath slow.

I looked up at my mom, and she smiled, her blue eyes bright, and said,

"It's the best part of life."

I clung to her words,

moreso than ever before.

Because I knew, one day, she may not be able to share such sentiments.

It is moments like these that we should remember.

To remember who she is at the core of her soul:

A woman, a mother, a grandmother

 who loves freely,

cares fully,

& holds her family closest to her heart...
especially those grandbabies.

So, forget me not, dear Mom.

But if you do,

I'll still love you forever.

A tattoo in homage of my parents.
Tattoo cred: Kim Saigh.

XOXO

Aimee

To read other posts I have written about my mother, see links below:

Moving Mom

Magic Chef

Toll House