My Momma

This is a personal post.

I mean, all of my posts are personal,

but this one is particularly so.

It's about my mom.


My mom and her granddaughter, Deklynn.
August 2013.

You see, my mom is suffering from an early onset of dementia,

which is quickly turning into full blown Alzheimer's.

She is turning 69 this month, 
and for her, this disease has progressed quite rapidly in the past few years,
and even more rapidly in the last few months.

I don't talk about it much,

but when I do it is with my very closest of friends.
These are my life-long friends who do not pass judgement or pity me.

Friends who, by their very nature, help get my mind off things, 

but who are also willing to just listen too.

Because sometimes, that's all I need.

 Ugly Sweater Christmas Party 2013.

Kim's birthday dinner. Nov. 2013.

Jessica & I. Cambria trip. Oct. 2011.

I am very lucky to have amazing people who rally behind me.
Especially my amazing husband. 
God knows I wouldn't survive without him.

And bonus: he is pretty handsome too! ;-)

As of late, Mom has had more trouble doing day in & day out tasks.

And her four children, our amazing sig others 

& my dad are all banning together.

My mom, dad, brothers and sister at Kieran's baptism last month.

We are a strong force,

but we have our weak spots too.
There is no easy way to come to 
terms with losing the mom you know.
I assure you.

I think the hardest time for me was when I was pregnant with Kieran.
I wanted so badly to ask my mom a million questions
and draw from her experience, birthing 4 children of her own.
But there was little to no information I could pull from her.
Well, other than, "It was worth it, honey."

My mom currently lives with my sister, Mary Beth, and her husband, Mike.

They are angels in my book.

And I cannot thank them enough for taking 
on such an overwhelming commitment.

Here's MB and Mike being all giddy in love. AWW.
Photo cred: Jeremy Chou

This whole mom thing is heartbreaking at times.

But there are some funny moments too.

Like when she put Kieran's St. Patty's Day bib
 on backwards as if it were a cape!
So, naturally, I called him Super Saint Patrick
for the rest of the day, and Mom giggled each time.
[Note: I get my infectious giggle from her.]

We try to keep it light,

because dwelling on the sadness of it all doesn't do us any good.

We should be happy that most days, she is in good spirits.

She has an endearing soul.
I love that when I drive her in my car,
she hums to songs she doesn't know,
 & sings along to songs she does.
It makes her happy.
& it makes me happy too. 

She loves nature,
and we can pass by a simple park
and she'll exclaim,
"What a beautiful park!" 
And she's right!
There is something to be said for appreciating 
our surroundings, no matter how many times we see it.

My mom spends time with me & baby on Thursdays and Fridays.
Although some days are better than others,
and it is not always easy,
I am so grateful for the time I get to share with her.

I see her with my son,

and her heart is so full.

And consequently,

mine is too.

She has special way with Kieran. 

They play and laugh together,

& Kieran gives her his scrunch-nosed smile,

and my mom laughs and says, "Isn't he the cutest baby?" 

And I agree, saying he is the cutest baby boy, 

as she has a grandbaby girl who she says the same thing about.

My Mom holding newborn Baby Deklynn.

March 2013.

Even though mom has forgotten many things,
her inherent love for babies has not waivered.
And Kieran can feel it. He is so calm with her.

For as much as he wants to move around these days,

he will just sit in her arms and let her cuddle him, 

and it is the sweetest thing to watch.

 Bay Day. June 2013.

 

Summer napping. July 2013. 

Grandma hugs are the best! Oct. 2013.

Park fun! Feb 2013.

They have had a special bond since the day he was born.

Baby K telling his Grandma secrets.
This is my all-time fav pic of them.
April 10th, 2013.

At this point, 

Mom has a hard time formulating her thoughts,

and most conversations are unclear and unsuccessful.

But I am eternally grateful that every once and a while, 

she has these amazing moments of clarity:

"We are so lucky, aren't we?"

And I know exactly what she means.

We are so lucky to be together.

To have each other.

We are the world to her.

And she gave the world to us.

It puts things into perspective.

This woman, who is suffering from such a horrible disease,

is so hopeful, so clear on what is important.

This past week, with the whirlwind of things happening,

she watched me as I breast fed my son.

He was calm, and his eyes were getting heavy, his breath slow.

I looked up at my mom, and she smiled, her blue eyes bright, and said,

"It's the best part of life."

I clung to her words,

moreso than ever before.

Because I knew, one day, she may not be able to share such sentiments.

It is moments like these that we should remember.

To remember who she is at the core of her soul:

A woman, a mother, a grandmother

 who loves freely,

cares fully,

& holds her family closest to her heart...
especially those grandbabies.

So, forget me not, dear Mom.

But if you do,

I'll still love you forever.

A tattoo in homage of my parents.
Tattoo cred: Kim Saigh.

XOXO

Aimee

To read other posts I have written about my mother, see links below:

Moving Mom

Magic Chef

Toll House

Notes to Baby K

I created an email account for Baby Kieran about two months ago. 

I know what you must be thinking, 

'Why in the world would an 8 month old baby need an email account?!' 

Well...

 I'm glad you asked!  

I am using it to write letters to him. 

And you know how I LOVE to write letters. 

If you don't, read this post to get you up to speed.

OK. OK. 

So it is not "snail mail,"

BUT, it is mail. AND it still comes from the heart.

I got the idea when I was watching TV one day,

and I decided to go for it. 
Because. . . 

1. Surprisingly, I have not been very good about keeping a baby book.

Mostly because I've been too busy enjoying these moments with baby,

and time is going by so fast, it seems like before I know it, 

I have missed documenting things.

2. It's in the moment.

Anytime I want to tell him I am thinking of him, 

or there is an opportunity to share with him something cool he did that day,

I don't have to wait until I am with his baby book to do it.

I can send it to him right then and there, when the mood strikes,

while it's still fresh in my mind.

Some notes have been sweet and sentimental,

and some have been just simple and fun.

It can be any little thing, like, 
"Today you sat up for the first time." 
Or 
"Today we had a fun day at the park and 
you swung on the swing and laughed at Daddy." 
And I can attach pictures or a video, like you see here:

Baby K's 1st Swing with Daddy
(His little squealing giggle is the best! )

This whole emailing the baby thing has been great! 
I'm not only documenting his ever-changing growth and development, 
but I'm also sending him sweet notes of things I hope and dream for him,
 so one day he can read it himself and know just how I felt, 
at that very moment in his life. 

I admit, it is for me just as much as it is for him.
I see the pictures, videos and words I wrote for him
and it takes me back and makes me all sentimental. 
[Note: I can be a sap.]

I have shared Kieran's email with family and friends 

so they too can send him emails anytime they are thinking of him, 
want to share a fun experience they had with him, 
or to send him a cute picture they took as a way 
for him to remember these wonderful moments together. 

What an awesome way for Kieran to know he is loved!! 

If you are thinking about doing this for your little one, I highly recommend it. 
It has been a great way to reminisce and look back, 
even just a few days later! 

If you'd like to write to Baby Kieran, his email is:
kieran.james.mandala@gmail.com

Cheer friends! 

XOXO
Aimee

Settling In

Oh here I am! I've made it! 
(I am currently patting myself on the back.)
I've been thinking about you,
REALLY!
It's just been a little hectic 'round these parts.
Juggling work, baby, having some sort of social life, 
 squeezing in some exercise time, 
AND trying to keep up on blogging is not so easy!
But I shall try harder! 
Promise!

I've been back to work for two months now,

and I'm actually settling in to the new routine quite nicely.
Fancy that! 

I mean, I miss my days with baby,
don't get me wrong, but it's been 
good to have some adult time

and get back into the groove of things.
AND even get to dress in something 
other than jeans and tank tops for a change. 
Oh yay! 

This is what I wore on my first day back to work. 
Ladies Room Fashion Show!

 I feel good in red shoes & chevrons.
Who doesn't? 

OH! 

And I've definitely missed the espresso 

machine at work while I was out on leave. 

Generally, I'm not a big coffee drinker.

I don't even have a coffee maker at home!

(What?! Yep, it's true!)

BUT there is nothing like a freshly brewed latte 

 in the early morning hours of a work day. 

The office is still quiet, and I am able 
to leisurely sip away while I catch up on emails.

YUM! 

I am certain that my transition back to work 

has been so easy breezy because of Kieran's care 

while I'm away. It's a great relief that while I am at work,

 my sweet boy is with his Grandma Toni and Grandpa Ty. 

We couldn't have asked for anything better.

Kieran LOVES them so much!

And bonus for me, Grandma sends me 

LOTS of pics and videos of baby when I'm at work. 

So I've been able to enjoy his cute smiles and giggles virtually.

Score! 

This was them at the park yesterday:

Um, hi cute baby!

Auntie Tami came out to play too!

Baby Kieran is so very blessed to have LOTS  
of family closeby that love him to pieces! 

I admit, fun days like the park day he 
had yesterday make me homesick for my baby, 
but it is so nice that he is spending
some quality time with family.

And it's the best feeling in the world when I see him after work.

He sees me, smiles, bounces up and down 

and gives me the cutest squeals of excitement! 

I think that makes it all worth it. 

He is one happy baby! 
(& that makes me one happy Mama!)

I'm lucky enough to be home on Thursdays and Fridays,
so I am still getting in some awesome baby time. :) 
Sweet! 


The way he looks at me never gets old.

And we get to do fun things like
play Cowboys and Indians! 

Bang! Bang! 

All the good stuff aside,
I'm not gonna lie, I'm exhausted! 
The one-two combo of going going going
when I get home from work and then the lack of sleep thereafter,
well, it starting to wear on me a bit.
I'm waking up EARLY in the morning
to get baby and get myself ready for work.
Like 5:30 early.
(Sad face!)

But as exhausted as I am,
I am somehow starting to get used to this not-sleeping-so-much thing.

Pretty soon I'll be a pro at it.
Sleeping is overrated.
(Said no one ever!)

We had the honor of babysitting 

our niece Deklynn last month on a night after work.

It was so fun to have the two babes together.

Look at me double-hippin' it!

It was a blast! 

But we also acknowledged how challenging it was 

to prep dinner and do the normal evening things

with two babies to care for. We laughed at the idea of twins.

Bless the hearts of parents to twins! 

(Twins run on Travis' side of the family. Ahhh!)

OH! 
And guess what!
Baby got his first tooth yesterday! 

It's official, he is growing entirely too fast!
Already 6 months! 

Anyway, just wanted to check in!
Next up in the blog queue,
Getting Out! 

Happy Tuesday friends!

XOXO
Aimee

These Days Are Numbered

My maternity leave is coming to an end next week,

and I find myself feeling very sentimental about 
this wonderful opportunity I got to share with my son.

I am so grateful for it.

 I know it will be good to get back to work,

but I also know it's going to be hard to say goodbye

 to these sweet days with baby Kieran.

Guinney & Kieran getting in some quality time.

He has made me such a happy Mama.

It tickles me so to hold my baby in my arms 
and see him looking up at me with those sweet blue eyes,

and let's be honest, spit up dribbling out of the corners of his mouth.

 (I am getting very used to baby spit up becoming a part of my daily wardrobe.

As you can imagine, it's incredibly glamorous.)

But all kidding aside, 

no matter how much everyone told me that I would love being a mother,

I love it more than I ever could have imagined.
I mean, it's a pretty awesome feeling knowing that sometimes
all he wants in the world is to be in my arms,
and nuzzle into my chest. 

I could melt sometimes.

I am amazed at how fast he is growing,

and am loving all the things that come along with 

him reaching new milestones.

Like actually enjoying tummy time! Yay! 

But some of my very favorite things 

about being Kieran's Mommy 

are things like:

Hearing his enthusiastic squeals when he sees something

that excites him. And his dry laugh when he's getting a 
diaper change from his Daddy who tickles his belly with his beard. 

Or the way he stomps his feet and slaps his hands 
in the water every time he gets a bath, goes in a pool 
or has a trip to the waters edge at the beach.

It's so fun witnessing his fascination for new things,
his serious stare, and focused mind.

He likes giraffes. Obvs.

And I love how he is down to just hang out and chill 

when I decide to take him on little adventures, 

like my first hike with baby last month along

 the Palos Verdes hills overlooking the ocean.

 Not too shabby for your first hike dude! 

It's so cool how sometimes when he is feeding, 

he puts his open hand flush over my heart,

and I can't help but smile in awe of how sweet that is. 

Or like when he is finished with a particularly long feeding,

how his ear is imprinted on my forearm.

I have found myself staring at it, running my fingertips over it,

secretly wishing it could stay there forever.

I love that I get to pick him up when he is tired, 
and giggle at how he tucks his feet under his bottom, 
arches his back, and sticks out his butt.

It's by far the cutest thing ever.

I love that he gives me an open-mouthed scrunched-nosed smile 

when he sees me first thing in the morning.

And I love how his lips curl down when he is sad, 

and it takes everything in me not laugh because it is so darn cute.

But my favorite, favorite moments of being Kieran's Mommy

are the quiet moments, the still moments.

When his warm head tucks perfectly under my chin,
I can feel his fine hair on my cheek,

 I can smell his perfect new baby smell,

and all I want in the world is to stay in that moment forever.

It's those simple flashes of life that permiate love 
into the deepest corners of my heart.

I know I will still get to have these moments

even after I return to work,

but I also know that my going back to work is the end 

of the very beginning. Of having a baby.
 Of being a new mom.

And that will be bittersweet.

Proud Mama!

As hard as it may be,

I'll try to focus less on the bitter,

 and more on the sweet.

XOXO

Aimee