Breastfeeding: My Journey

Kieran is now officially 19 months, 

and he is still breastfeeding. 

My goal was to breastfeed for 1 year,

and anything after that was considered a bonus.

And a bonus it has been. 
Kieran's 1st birthday came and went,
and we are still going strong.

[photo cred: www.carrievines.com]

I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity.

It is not every mother that has the privilege,

and I am grateful.

Even for the times when my nipples were raw,

and I was exhausted and sleep deprived.

All my son wanted/needed was me,

 and that is a feeling unlike any other.

Floor naps are the best! (Kieran at 4 months.)

I have enjoyed cuddling my little guy,

and reveled in the sweetness of how 
he places his hand so delicately on my chest,

or how he sometimes runs his hand gently up and down my arm.

It is a calm connection between baby and I,

and that is something that I will never take for granted.

And if you don't recall,
as I mentioned in a past post,
I LOVE how I am left with his ear imprinted on my forearm.
It's a true sign of a solid feeding, and an even more solid snuggle.

Even though this journey has been one I have cherished,
I know it can't last forever. 
(Well, I know it CAN, but I am not trying to be one of those mamas 
who breastfeeds their children until they are 5. 
No offense to those who do, it just ain't my thang.)

So lately, I've been feeling the need to pull back.

To let it go, a little at a time.

And the truth is, 
Travis and I are hoping to expand our little family soon,

and I would like to be a little selfish with my body 

for the little time that I have before that happens.

In the meantime, Kieran will inevitably grow a new sense of independence.

Don't get me wrong, he is actually incredibly independent already.

Moreso than we could ever expect of 19 month old. 

He is constantly exploring and rarely feels the need to 
look back to check and see if Mommy or Daddy are close by.
His curiosity and confidence is something we love so much about him.

Kieran exploring.
[photo cred: www.carrievines.com]

But I am talking about a different kind of independence,
and I think he is starting to pave his own way. 
He has weaned a bit on his own, 

and I have followed his lead. 

On days that I work, we nurse an average of twice a day,

but on days when I am home, it's more like 4 times.

I rarely pump at work anymore, and do so on average of about once a week.
And surprisingly, my milk supply is still pretty solid.

But slowly, I know that will change. 
I am taking baby steps, for both me and baby.
I am savoring these last months
with him in my arms, his eyes gazing up at me,
his hand on my heart,
and my eyes falling into his.


Kieran after a breastfeeding sesh, about 4 months old.

We will still have these moments;
it will just be different.
Still good,
but different. 

I admire other mothers who have been on this journey alongside me.
There is a sense of pride in it. 
For nourishing our children in the most basic way.
It's a beautiful thing indeed.

Breastfeeding Kieran at 2 months old.

Cheers mamas.
Cheers babies.
& cheers to those who support us both!

XOXO

Aimee

Sometimes you just need a little Alabama Shakes...

Enjoy! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQhXYJfI0S8

Happy Hump Day friends!

Xoxo

Aimee

Lunch Breaks with a View

Lunch. 
I have one hour and I can spend it however I want.

I am very fortunate to work in a place that offers a view,

Downtown Long Beach.

I grew up in California Heights, a suburb of Long Beach,
and I have worked Downtown for seven years.
It's easy to get into the habit of seeing past what's around you,
to forget what is right at your very fingertips. 
I admit, for years, I was guilty of this.
But in the past few years, 
I have really taken to exploring this great city,
 seeing it with new eyes,
and my lunch break is just the time to do it.

Sure, I've been to the fancy restaurants, the hip eateries,
the community cafes... that is all good and fun,
but I'm talking more than food here.

I have often taken strolls past sweet storefronts
of historic buildings that are cracked with character, heart and glory.

I have parked along the bluffs along Ocean Blvd,
put my feet up and looked out to the great wide ocean. 

On a clear day, I can spot Catalina island off in the distance.
I daydream about being on one of those sailboats, 

out at sea, wind in my hair, rough sandpaper decking at my feet.

I've gone to the bay and
 just sat on the sand with my PB&J,
looking out at kayakers, sailors,  
and kiddos splashing around in their summer suits.

I've gone to the beach.
I speedily change into my bathing suit, bring my lunch, 

my large picnic blanket, and spread out across the warm sand.
And for a glorious 40 minutes, the sun kisses my skin,

my hair goes wild, my toes dig into the grainy sand,
all while the sound of seashells whistle in my ears.

Recently, I started taking long walks.

I change into my work out clothes and end up doing a solid 2 miles.

(I refuse to be one of those ladies who wears her sneakers 
with a skirt & panty hose on her lunch break walk.)

With music in my ears, 
I swish past people on the street,
and soak in the city.
It's brisk and refreshing

and it feels great.

I walk past high-rise buildings,
the Pike,

the Performing Arts Center,

the beach boardwalk, 

Shoreline Village, 





Rainbow Lagoon.

I walk past business people out to lunch.
I walk by tourists in their button down Hawaiian shirts and tan shorts.
I walk past homeless people napping on the grass in the park.
I walk past people just like me.
And I realize how lucky I am.
I work HERE.
As I turn the corner from Ocean onto Shoreline Drive,
 inevitably, every time, the wind picks up and blows my hair back
and I bask in the beautiful view of the marina,

of the Villa Rivera, 

the Queen Mary,

the lighthouse in Queens Way Bay

The sites to see are endless.

And while my eyes are surveying the beauty,
the gritty, and the in-between of this city,
my mind is getting a breather too.

I'm a big believer in letting the quiet in.
And this one hour of solitude,
where I have to please no one but myself,
is just what I need for a mid-day reboot. 

But solitude aside, 
getting to visit my cute baby boy is pretty awesome too.
Last week Kieran's Grammy & Grampy took him to the LB Aquarium,


K hangin' with the penguins! 

so I decided to walk over and meet 
them for some mid-day snuggles with K.

It was definitely the highlight of my work week,
and probably the best view of all.

I encourage all of you to take some time to get up,
get out, and enjoy the view around you,
by yourself, with friends, with family.

Happy short work week friends!
And Happy 4th of July! 

XOXO
Aimee

A Mother's Voice

Things have been rough with Mom lately,

& the last few nights I have found myself 

tossing and turning, not getting much sleep.

My mind is racing. 

There are a lot of overwhelming decisions ahead of us.

When I had trouble falling asleep as a child

my mother would sing me lullabies, usually something Irish,

her hand stroking my back in waves, up and down,

until my eyelids became heavy, my breath shallow.

 I would fall asleep to the sound of her voice,

the lull in her tone, her soft touch on my skin.

Even though my mom did not have the best singing voice,

it was still the most soothing sound in the world to me.

It still is.

Kieran with his Grandma. 

These sweet moments get me every time.

I hope Kieran feels the same way about my voice.

Even though I am sometimes off-key,

and often forget the words to songs,

Kieran looks at me, calm and sincere.

As I hold him to my cheek,

I imagine he is back in my womb,

the vibrations of my voice bouncing off his body,

the sway of my hips rocking him to sleep,

with my own mother's sweet voice in my ear, 

her hand at my back.

Music will forever be a calming force in my life,

and this rendition of the Pixies "Where is My Mind" by Maxence Cyrin 

is just beautiful and special and makes everything feel better.

It makes for a good substitute of a mother's voice, 

when one is not within ears reach.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qOmNGPL2TE)

Kieran is ONE!

On April 10th, Kieran turned ONE! 

I thought it would be fun to write his growth stats / fun facts on our sidewalk. 
I tried to get Kieran to sit next to it for a photo op, but as you can see from check mark #1,
 he is walking, and that means there is not much sitting still happening these days.

Even though I have had over a month for it to sink in,

I still cannot believe that he is a year old.
How did my baby go from this. . .

. . . to this. . . 

. . . in what seems like a blink of an eye?! 

[Note: This pic of him hits all corners of my heart with his adorableness.]

I have tried my very best to capture all the great moments along the way,

and even with my phone storage constantly full of photos,

I STILL have not captured it all.

It is impossible.

Phone storage aside, I am trying to document it all in my mind,

to take mental snap shots of moments to remember.
Things like the tired, but happy look he gives me first thing in the morning,

the sound of his squealing laugh when he is being tickled by his Daddy,

or the sweet glint in his eyes when he gives me his scrunch-nosed smile.

I am holding on tight to these sweet gems,

but I know even some of those will one day slip from my grasp.

It makes me incredibly sentimental,

and if I think about it too much I just 

want to freeze time.

But I know with another day comes more great memories,

more milestones to celebrate, 

more accomplishments to acknowledge,

and let's face it, more challenges to overcome.

That's all part of the sweet, wonderful package of being a parent.

And we are so lucky to be Kieran's.

 On a walk in the neighborhood in Daddy's arms.

Kieran's 1 year molars were cutting, 

and he just needed extra cuddles.

May 2014.

Kieran's birthday fell on a Thursday,

so Travis and I took off work to celebrate the day together as a family.

April 10th, 2014.

As you can see, we were really excited.

We decided to take Kieran someplace totally new, 

the LA Zoo, and we were so happy that my brother, Brian, 

and Kieran's cousin, Deklynn, were able to join in the fun.

 Brian and I were very matchy matchy in our plaid shirts.

And the babies were equally matchy in their sun hats.

Totally unplanned.

#twinning

The kiddos got to see so many different animals,

and the elephants were a hit (or a miss) depending on how you look at it.

[Note: Tears ensued when a certain someone (Mr. Elephant) trumpeted.]

We also got to see giraffes, kangaroos, gorillas, hippos, snakes, etc., etc.

You know, typical zoo stuff.

It was a pretty hot day, so we hopped on the tram for a little relief.

But, as we all know, the best view 

is always from Daddy's shoulders.

Although the babes were probably too young 

to really know too much of what was going on,

I think they still had fun.

And we did too. :)

Kieran and Deklynn held hands on the car ride home.

AWWW! 

We stopped at Bake 'n Broil, a family favorite, for lunch.

Brian and I used to work here when we were youngins.

We snapped a quick pic while we waited for our table.

The novelty of these two together has still not worn off.

While waiting for our table, fellow patrons asked us,

"Are they twins?"

We get this a lot, and we decided moving forward we will say,

"Yes, yes they are."

After an indulgent lunch, 

we got a surprise visit from Grampa,

just in time for dessert!

And K gave Grampa his signature scrunch-nosed smile.

We ordered french apple pie topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

and fresh strawberry shortcake for the birthday boy.

Kieran liked the whip cream more than the strawberries,

but can you blame him?

BnB has the best whip cream in town! 

Aww cute! 

After going home for a quick nap, 
Brian and Trisha took us out to Mahe for dinner.

How could we say no?

We continued the celebration with drinks, sushi and more dessert!

We sang "Happy Birthday" and Kieran was mesmerized by the lit candle

standing up straight in his fancy creme brûlée.

It was perfect.

As you can see from our faces, 

we were so very excited to celebrate such a monumental occasion,

and even more excited that we got to share it with those we love.

And if all that wasn't enough, 

we threw a party that following weekend to 
celebrate with our close family and friends.

We tried to keep it simple,

he is turning ONE for goodness sake!

BUT the first birthday is a special one,

and we wanted to commemorate that.

Since Kieran is obsessed with wheels,

[See exhibit A]

we decided the party theme would be 'vintage wheels.'

Naturally, I had my dad draw up the artwork for the invitations.

In keeping with the theme, 
I requested for a vintage looking tricycle with balloons. 

I told him I wanted it to look sketchy,

but not creepy sketchy, sketchy sketchy. 
(Haha!)
 I love the way it turned out.
My sister and I added the text & necessary party details on the back.
They were printed, cut and & sent with care. 

For the decor,

I bought a bunch of vintage looking transportation memorabilia:

cars, planes, tractors, motorcycles, etc.

I even bought a Route 66 sign and convinced Travis 

that we would put it to good use once Kieran grew out of his nursery 

and into a "big boy" room.

I think it turned out pretty cool.

And because I thought it would be cute, 
(& I am slightly insane)
I used the invitation design to make double sided cupcake toppers.
All 80 of them! 
They had the tricycle on one side and balloons on the other.



We used old suitcases and wooden crates to display the desserts,
and a picture of Kieran framed alongside his party invitation.

I made all of the cupcakes from scratch,
which was new & fun for me. 
I mean, I bake cookies like crazy, but it is rare I bake cake / cupcakes.
And because it was a cream cheese/whip cream based frosting,
I had to wait to frost them until right before the party!
Luckily my buddy, Belia, came over just in the knick of time to save the day! 
Thanks girl! 

My sister baked our family's traditional birthday cake 

for Kieran and she decorated it to match the theme.

Aww cute! 

Here is the dessert table sans the birthday cake, which arrived shortly after this picture was taken.
The Route 66 sign hung from the rafters just above the table and was flanked by two pendant banners.
 Darn no pic of that! 

We were so lucky to have family who helped set up

and also helped make some of the tasty food too!

In keeping with the wheels theme,

Kieran's Grammy made these adorable Twinkie/Peeps desserts for the kiddos.

They were a hit! 

There was a low hanging branch off to the side of the park shelter

that made the space feel cozy, 

so we set up chairs for people to sit and visit 

and picnic blankets for the babies to squirm around on.

There was a horse trail right behind the park,

and a lady stopped to let all the kids pet her horse and feed him carrots!

It was as if we rented Kieran a pony for his birthday party! 

Haha.

So cool! 

My mom loved it too. :) 

Kieran also had a great time playing with all his "wheels" & his Wolfpack buddies,



especially when he got to push them around 
in his Cozy Coupe or Radio Flyer.

 Jack & Eliot chillin' in the coupe!

This is a screenshot from a pretty hilarious video 
of Kieran pushing his friend, Aaron in the Radio Flyer.

Such a determined little guy! 

He also enjoyed pushing this vintage tricycle around.

He likes to feel useful. ;-) 
After all that pushing, he took a break and got taken for a spin too.

Of course, Kieran also had fun with his cousin, Deklynn!

But she was less into squeezing in the coupe with him. 

Haha! 

I think she was more content picking at the grass. 

Looking adorable, as always, mind you.

After eating lunch and tumbling around with his buds,
it was time for the famed first birthday  
CAKE SMASH! 

Complete with bow tie, party hat, & cloth diaper with tricycles on it!
It's as if he is saying, "Let's me at it Mom!"

It's confirmed, he likes sugar just like his Mama!

I'd say we knew it was a successful smash when he started using his feet.

Sure. Why not?

For fun, we decided to get in on it as a family.

And of course after he was covered in frosting,
it was the perfect time to grab for his mommy.

Haha! 

What fun! 
Thanks to those who came out and made Kieran's birthday special,
 but also a special thanks to those who couldn't make it and sent their sweet wishes.

Especially this sweet message from Kieran's buddy and fellow Wolfpack member, Miles.

Thanks Miles. We love you too.

Baby Kieran,
we were so excited to celebrate the super special, wonderful YOU!
Cheers to another great year!
We can't wait to see what adventures we will go on!

XOXO
Aimee (aka Mama)